It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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