four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
