hell yes lets make some ravioli
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
