you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
