He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"