If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.