her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding