this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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