dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
