I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
