You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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