yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
