I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
