oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
