bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
