I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
