We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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