Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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