somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
