We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
