Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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