quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize