I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he puts the penis in happiness.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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