Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
