i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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