When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
