I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
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You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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