he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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