best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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