Everything about him screamed your future.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
