Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
