also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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