drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
