I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
