I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
