There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
