i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
