and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
