fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
not ubering you a puppy
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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