Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
