I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
