Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Vodka?
Forever.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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