What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
