its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
