Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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