i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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