ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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