When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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