lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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