Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize