I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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