Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
