If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize