Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
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Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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