i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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