I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
