i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
