you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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