I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
