okay pat passed out under dana's car
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
