Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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