you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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