This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
