omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
