I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
