i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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