I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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