I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
